The First Helios Post or/and Maybe The Last

The photograph above is one the first-shots of my Helios 44M lens attached on my Canon 60D. I like the bokeh, I like it so much and I'm afraid I would fall in love with the bokeh effect. Well, and I'm afraid that picture would be the last picture of my Helios 44M result picture.

At the first time, I planned to bring the lens to Penang, take some beautiful pictures in there. But disaster came when my wicked evil hands broke that lens and lost a very tiny metal roller ball. I was so fucked up. It was a ball that make the aperture ring could round. And now the ring can't round anymore, it's ripped apart from the body of the lens. I've been searching that ball and found nothing...

Yeah, so sad... But it's all my fault. Just hope I could find that tiny ball somewhere... Or another choice, find another Helios 44M--which is a little bit impossible. I'm so fucked up!

Life

Actually, I never understand about life. Life is hard, life is unpredictable.

Paulo Coelho in The Alchemist says, "When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.", but I thought that sentence didn't work with me. I never got what I really wanted and achieved nothing. When I wanted something (dreamt about something), I believed that the universe -and God- would conspire in helping me got it. I was a good prayer, always prayed "God, I want one like that. Amen". Unfortunately nothing happened. So, I would pray again in another time, "God, please...... Show me your way to get it, help me God. Oh, Thou are so kind. Oh, God...... Amen." And once again it didn't work. Never.

I worked hard everyday except Sundays and I hoped I worked smart too, but all my works gained nothing. Nothing means none of something I really dreamt on. Then I realize everything needed time. If one month wasn't enough, then I would wait until one year. If one year wasn't enough, then I would wait until two years, and so on. Everything I've been doing needs patience and maybe that's Paulo Coelho means in his book. I've been trying and trying, sometimes it's hard but I believe I can achieve what I want.

Now, I keep on praying again. But I change the content of my wish: "God, I never understand about life but I know Thou give 'it' to me for not be wasted. Thy path is so hard and unpredictable but one thing I'm sure about: Thou never leave me alone. So God, help me and guide me through my life. Thank Thou because a chance of life that Thou gave. Amen"